Mar 19, 2020 | All Posts
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Conflict is inevitable and everywhere. In order to prevent it from dominating your life you should strive to be proactive rather than reactive. Following these eight steps will enhance your capacity to manage any conflict by getting out in front of it.
1st – Recognize and accept that you have a potential conflict as early as possible. Step out of your story and look at it objectively
2nd – Acknowledge your emotions but do not let them control you.
3rd – Explore your own story to separate what happened—the facts—from what you made it mean, your judgements, assumptions, and interpretations.
4th – Based on your objective self-analysis make your best guess as to how the other parties see the facts and what they make those facts mean. Put yourself in their shoes and unpack their story for facts and meaning.
5th – Consider what needs to be done with the other side to confirm the facts for both parties. Agreeing on the facts or on a plan to establish the facts is the basis for resolution.
6th – Based on your newfound clarity about both stories, identify the interests, needs and concerns that are most important for each party. Those interests and needs are the building blocks of your options for the future.
7th – Reach out to the other party and invite them to engage with you in a dialogue about a future resolution. Share what you have done to prepare and why.
8th – Meet with the intention to have a dialogue about the future rather than a debate about the ‘rights’ and ‘wrongs’ of the past.
Following these eight steps will empower you to resolve and minimize your conflicts. You do not have to deal with conflict alone. Family and friends may help however you may need to engage appropriate professional help. Preparation will give you the clarity to get the right help at the right time. Below are some options to consider:
- Conflict Management Coaches. They can work with you to enhance your conflict management competence and help you prepare for negotiations and difficult conversations.
• Mediators. They can custom design and facilitate negotiations for all those involved and act as a neutral 3rd party.
• Lawyers. You want a lawyer who will be an effective litigator, tough on the problem but also focused on opportunities for early settlement. I call this the dual track approach.
Please contact us to book a FREE consultation for all your conflict management needs:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
Below are some of the services we offer:
- Conflict Management Coaching.
- Custom Designed Dispute Resolution Processes.
- Neutral 3rd Party Mediation and Facilitation,
- Workshops and Training Programs.
Mar 14, 2020 | All Posts
Reading Time: 2 minutes
It’s crucial to manage your conflicts effectively. In fact, your life depends on it. When left unchecked conflict has the potential to take over our lives, destroy relationships and erode our confidence in the future.
For more than 30 years I have helped people and organizations resolve conflicts as a mediator, facilitator, arbitrator and conflict coach. Most of that work occurred in the late stages of the conflict after much of the damage had been done. While better late than never, I saw businesses go bankrupt, families destroyed, important relationships severed, and fortunes consumed in legal costs.
The most effective way to avoid these issues is to get in front of your conflict before it spirals out of control. With this in mind, I have shifted my focus from late resolution to early intervention to empower people to turn conflict into opportunity.
The Resolution Formula
Conflict is born in our stories of the past about what happened to us and what we make it mean. Resolution occurs when we shift our focus away from fault and blame about the past and how we were impacted, to the future and what we can do about it. This involves our willingness to share our emotions and their meanings fully. The aim here is for understanding rather than a debate about right and wrong.
Based on this shared understanding we can co-create options for resolution that work for both parties’ interests and needs. This shift is difficult and takes careful preparation, but will make all the difference in the end.
“Out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
– Rumi
Please contact us to book a FREE consultation for all your conflict management needs:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
Below are some of the services we offer:
- Conflict Management Coaching.
- Custom Designed Dispute Resolution Processes.
- Neutral 3rd Party Mediation and Facilitation,
- Workshops and Training Programs.
Mar 2, 2020 | All Posts
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Conflict is inevitable and everywhere. The way we manage our conflicts has a tremendous impact on our success and satisfaction in life.
Imagine the final moments of a championship minor hockey game. The kids have played their hearts out and are locked in a tie game. The stands are filled with cheering family and friends. The referee misses a close call at the blueline and one team scores to win the game. Instantly half the stands are outraged, and half are ecstatic. If you were to meet with parents from each team the next day you would hear two very different stories of what happened and what they made it mean.
We can consider a number of conclusions about the nature of conflict from this simple example:
1st – Conflict exists in our stories of the past about what happened to us and what we made it mean. When our stories are different in ways that matter to us, we can have conflict.
2nd – Conflict occurs when someone does something or fails to do something that blocks our access to what’s important to us. We think it shouldn’t be this way and so we react.
3rd – We get trapped in our conflict stories. When an event triggers a negative emotion such as anger, fear or frustration, our very identity can feel at risk. We focus on fault and blame and on who is right or wrong.
4th – We often look to support our position in the conflict. We share our stories and their meanings with others in order to get them on our side. If we involve a lawyer, we expect them to champion our story.
We are always going to have different stories and different meanings because:
- · We have different backgrounds and life experiences.
- · We have different values and beliefs.
- · We have different information.
- · We interpret and judge differently.
- · We have different interests and needs.
When we learn to manage our conflicts effectively our lives simply work better.
Please contact us to book a FREE consultation for all your conflict management needs:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
Below are some of the services we offer:
- Conflict Management Coaching.
- Custom Designed Dispute Resolution Processes.
- Neutral 3rd Party Mediation and Facilitation,
- Workshops and Training Programs.
Sep 23, 2019 | All Posts
Reading Time: < 1 minute
My first mediation with First Nations occurred in the early 1990s. It took place at a school gymnasium in a small community on the edge of Wood Buffalo National Park. Virtually the whole community, from toddlers to grandmothers, attended and had their say.
I learned many lessons in that school gym and they have informed my process to this day. Here is a brief summary of them:
- Begin by designing the process with them. That’s how I ended up in the gym. Take the time to learn how they want to participate. They have been reaching consensus solutions for hundreds of years.
- Acknowledge and accept their deep commitment to the land. It is central to their way of life and how they see their future.
- Listen to the elders. They are the keepers of their oral history, which is central to their cultural identity.
- Know that they expect the faults of the past to be acknowledged and addressed. Apologies are all well and good but they want and deserve real change for the future. It does not always look like our future.
- Be patient and learn. The lessons of the past need to guide our co-creation of a future that fosters partnerships and produces shared benefits to all participants.
For more information about this topic please contact us at:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
