Dec 15, 2016 | All Posts
Reading Time: 2 minutes
Have you ever wondered what it is about certain conversations that make them so difficult to have? Even when a skilled negotiator is present there are some situations that just seem unworkable.
What if I told you that part of the answer is actually tattooed on Brad Pitt’s bicep. It’s an excerpt taken from the poetry of 12th century Sufi mystic, Jalal al-din Muhammad Rumi. Roughly translated from it’s original Persian it means, “Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I will meet you there.”
The quote urges those caught in confrontation to see that their idea of ‘right and wrong’ stems from a single perspective, from a lone story in a sea of countless others being told. The greatest challenge in polarized conversations may just be the ability to recognize one’s own attachment to stories of the past.
Positions that are viewed as the best and often only acceptable outcome for the future are rooted in these stories, as well as the stories about who the person at the other end of the table is. If the conversation is solely about who is ‘right’, then the distance between each side will only grow.
For those at odds with each other stepping into Rumi’s field is not an easy feat and once there, resolution is not a sure-fire thing. It is a journey through that must be revisited time and again, rather than a fixed destination.
In Rumi’s field the choice is to instead share stories for understanding rather than to establish who is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’.
Through dialogue, not debate, exploration of each party’s interests makes a resolution possible.
This results not from compromise, not from “meeting in the middle”, but instead by co-creating a future in which both sides occupy a position that sees their needs met.
For more information about this topic please contact us at:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
Dec 15, 2016 | All Posts
Reading Time: 2 minutes
The Sufi Poet Rumi once said:
“Out beyond ideas of wrong doing and right doing there is a field. I’ll meet you there.”
Conflicts can be said to begin in our stories of the past and our attachment to our positions as the best and sometimes only acceptable outcome for our future.
This helps to explain a party’s willingness to endure the protracted nature and often prohibitive cost of litigation. Lawyers, in turn, face the considerable challenge of balancing litigation tactics and strategies with ongoing opportunities for effective settlement negotiations.
The skilled mediator is always initially facilitating a sharing of stories, not for the purpose of determining who is right or wrong, but with the objective of understanding the interests and needs that underlie each parties’ positions.
This in turn sets the stage for the evaluative reality testing appropriate for each unique case.
Depending on the degree of attachment to their story and its associated fear, anger, and frustration this facilitation can happen quite quickly or it can take considerable time and effort. Determining this balance between facilitative and evaluative mediation is a key question for the front-end design of most mediation processes.
In my nearly 30 years as a mediator, it has been my experience that for many simple and complex cases mediators and lawyers can be effective collaborators in designing together a mediation process that works.
This “Design with Not For” approach seeks to establish, to the degree possible and right from the start, clear expectations about the mediation process, and the roles of the mediator, the lawyers and their clients.
The benefits for lawyers in this proactive design approach is threefold:
- The mediator becomes a very effective ally for the lawyer in managing the lawyer’s client(s).
- The time and effort required to properly prepare for mediation is much more effective.
- The client’s experience as a real and effective participant in the process is enhanced.
David Gould (LLB, QC, C Med) has helped hundreds of lawyers and their clients – business and government organizations, and individuals – in conflict situations to co-create solutions for the future. For more information, contact:
For more information about these Steps or assistance with difficult negotiations contact:
[email protected]
403-801-0234
